Orange Is the New Black. I freaking love it. Partly because I feel like I could totally survive prison now. Well, as long as it’s Litchfield and not that horrible one in Chicago with the smart roaches. Yuck. But mostly it’s because I can totally identify with parts of prison life.
Here are 8 ways my life is like Orange Is the New Black…
1- Someone is always grabbing at or trying to suck on my boobs.
I’ll let you decide which one I’m talking about.
2-Crazy people (some may call them children) sometimes pee on my floor.
3-Despite being aware of the consequences people still complain about the food. I will not confirm or deny that my children have been threatened with being served a tampon sandwich. I will say (just speculating, of course) if you are too young to know what a tampon is the threat is ineffective.
4- People stare at you when you pee and poop.
5- You eventually get used to people staring at you when you pee and poop.
6-Shower shoes. There have been times at my house (during the pre-cleaning lady era) that they might have been a good idea.
7-I look forward to visitor’s day-also known as when The Pilot comes home and brings my commissary money. He calls it a paycheck.
8-I barter with, and bribe the inmates with candy bars.
9-Does this character remind you of anyone?
10-Like Taystee, I’ll always come back.
One Way My Life As a Mom Is NOT Like Orange Is the New Black…
1-Solitary confinement. There is no such luxury around here. I fantasize about being sent to the SHU though. You spend 24 hours a day in small room with a private bed and a private toilet and someone else cooks for you, serves you, and cleans up your meals. Sounds like heaven. Oh, and if you get sent to the section for really insane people they give you drugs. I’m pretty sure I could qualify for that upgrade.
I’m Ashley Davis. Thanks for visiting my silly blog! I live in rural south Alabama with my four boys, husband, and herd of cats and dogs. You can learn more interesting things about me here. If you click around you can also learn some things that aren’t so interesting and some things that you just didn’t want to ever know! Welcome!